I was never someone who thought I would get married. At least, that's what I told myself. Repeatedly. Over and over. While I dated Mr. wrong, after even more Mr. Wrong. I met Mr. SandyToes at college and was set up through a mutual friend. We had been aquaintances but never considered us good friends. Ms.Pac Sun was a friend of ours and insisted that we would be perfect together. Blah, blah blah we ended up together and have been inseparable ever since. I could not be more at peace and happy than I am with my future husband.
Awww, future husband. I am going to marry the man of my dreams. But not for another 713 days. Not that I'm counting.
And let me tell you, 713 days feels like forever. Especially since I've been laid off from teaching. So my heart was broken in June when the school year was done. Mr. SandyToes proposed in August on a whim and I've been vacillating between extream living-in-a-bubble-happiness and dark days of stay-in-bed-and-wallow depression. I don't want to wait. I want to marry him today. I want to marry him yesterday! However, with the cost of a wedding now we have no choice but to wait. I do try to remind myself that we did just recently buy our dream house so I can't complain all that much.
I cannot stop thinking about wedding details. It's all I can talk about. It's wedding vomit every time I open my mouth with one of my girlfriends. What happened to me? I have been a great girlfriend and have been in several (17) weddings myself so I know the drill and know the routine of doing my bridesmaidly duties. All of that still never sparked all that much of a desire to pressure Mr. SandyToes into popping the question because I couldn't wait. I knew I was happy with him but I can't say that I would day dream about a big white dress, flowers, cake and dancing. Yet, here I am, having only been engaged since August 17th and I cannot stop. Is the ring poison? Did it come with a lobotomy that replaced my normal-self for a wedding obsessed self? Is this normal? Am I just excited? Or was this side of me always here and I repressed it for so long because of so many negative relationships and now, since I am truly happy, I can let the wild wedding diva out of her cage?
I have a few close girlfriends who are waiting to get married this year. At least they are some solace for my crazed wedding starved brain. So to all my brides to be out there - is it just me? I am I alone in my wedding craziness? HELP! Save my normal self!